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3 years later...

Apr. 29th, 2008 | 02:09 am

Im sitting here with Alina.. It is 3 years later.  Lots has changed.  Life fucked up... More.  No more Stormy.  A new Wes.  Alina just broke her nail.  :(  That sucks.  She is really pissed.  Ouch.  It is 2:10am and I am bored.  There is a new dumb bitch in our lives.  She is really dumb.   Stupid dumb BITCH.  But yeah.  Cant beat the fuck out of her because I need a place to stay right now.  However, as soon as I get my hands on an apartment and a car, I will FUCK HER WORLD UP :)  Can't wait.. But yeahh... I totally forgot about this page until I was browsing and it is in my signature.. I don't remember when I put it there but whatever.  There is a map of the US sitting here on the desk. OH Im a poet and I bet you didn't know it!  And yes.. That DID Rhyme.  Lyme disease sucks.  I know someone who had it.  But yeah..Gonna go smoke a cigarette cause I do that now too :)

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Still Don't Know

Oct. 25th, 2005 | 10:20 pm
mood: pissed off pissed off
music: YoungBloodz (Presidential)

Ok.. I haven't updated in a while. So.. I went out with Caleb last Friday night. We went to a horse show, out to eat, the homecoming game, and for a walk. Well, he was a real gentleman. He opened doors for me, gave me his flannel shirt when I got cold at the horse show, held my hand :) etc. You get the point. Oh and he even called me after we went our seperate ways to see if I got home ok.


I'm still not sure if I like him as much as he likes me. I really don't know if it's going to work out because a)he lives 45 min. away from me, b)he's too much of a mama's boy, and c)he's kinda of too nice.

I feel really bad, like I'm leading him on. We are scheduled to go out Friday night too so I can get a better grip on what I want to do. I'm just not sure if I'm into him like he's into me. I guess I'll find out Friday.

Went to my "appointment" today. I have nothing to talk about anymore because, well, I don't have much to be upset about.

Oh, and I also got fussed out at work today. GRRRRR... You see, I called out Sunday because it was SUCH a beautiful day that I just wanted to sit back and relax. Well, I told my manager that my horse was sick. Later that day, Caleb called and said he was at Petsmart and wanted me to meet him there. So, I went and as soon as I was walking towards Caleb, my manager walks out the door. SO, I ran behind a pillar to hide. Apparently, another manager saw me doing this and today, I got chewed out for calling out for "no reason". I still lied and said Stormy was sick but I don't think they bought it. Oh and I also got chewed out for Elizabeth calling out. What kinda crap is that?! I can't control her moves... I'm not her mother. Don't yell at me about what she does and add to your anger towards me. I've only called out 2 times. But, because she calls out, I can't anymore. What a load of bull.

I'm done venting now...

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Second Chance...

Oct. 20th, 2005 | 10:04 pm
mood: exanimate exanimate
music: Missy Elliot

Ok, I have decided to hang out with Caleb another time and see if my first impression was wrong. We are going to the Hunt Horse Complex tomorrow and hopefully everything will turn out good. I will update tomorrow night.

We have a pep rally at our school tomorrow and I really don't wanna go. However, it is mandatory that we do so... I guess I have to. I will HOPEFULLY sit by Elizabeth (my friend). That way, we can talk and make fun of the cheerleaders. They get on my nerves. People go to watch games, not little girls running around showing of their non-athleticism. Lol.. Is athleticism even a word? Who cares!

I don't think anyone reads this. Why do I write? I guess I just write to keep tabs on when things happen in my life so I don't forget.

Well, I'm off to relax in my bed with my candles burning. NIGHT!

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Clearer View...

Oct. 19th, 2005 | 09:14 pm
mood: content content
music: 94.7 QDR (aka COUNTRY!!!)

OK.. I think I have this whole situation under control. THINK. OK.. so, I DO NOT like Wes anymore because.. well, I just don't. It was a phase I suppose. Anyways, I think I'm going to give Caleb a little more time to.. IDK.. Impress me I guess. It's not that I don't like him.. it's just that well, I REALLY don't think he can handle me. I don't like pushover guys who have no opinion in anything except they like what I like. It's ok for them to like what I like.. it's good, I just don't like someone who will lie about liking something to impress or please me.

Maybe I'm a little to complicated.. LOL. ANYWAYS.. Caleb hasn't called me since yesterday so.. I don't even know if he's gonna work out. BUT if he wants to talk to me, he will call and if I don't answer, he will leave a message.

Back to what is really important: Stormy. I love my little baby boy! He is the best horse I could ever ask for! Today, we went on a little running spree, galloping everywhere! It was so much fun! I'm glad I have a horse that I can trust. He's the most precious thing in the world to me. I wouldn't give him up for anything! I miss him already and I've only been gone from the barn for an hour.

I miss Rick. I wish he didn't work so much. He said to just name a day and we will go on a trail ride. I'm just never off work on the weekend so it's gonna be kinda tuff. I love Rick. He's honestly the nicest person I know. I wish there were more people like him around here. It seems like everyone is so conceeded nowadays that they have no time for anyone but themselves and material things. I try to get away from that and look at the more important things in life like friends and nature. I love nature! I could spend my whole life on the back of a horse in the middle of no where and I would be happy. As long as the horse was Stormy.


SO, the important message of the day is:

I LOVE STORMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Now I'm Confused!!

Oct. 17th, 2005 | 10:05 pm
mood: confused confused

Ok.. So I went to the fair with Caleb. It went really well. He's very interested in me (at least that's the vibe I get) and he wants to please me no matter what. He has never ridden a horse in his life but is willing and eager to learn all about them just because I'm into them! He even said he would ride with me sometimes! That makes me happy...


I still like this guy named Wes (Hopefully he doesn't read this). But, I REALLY don't think he likes me AT ALL. He's not mean to me or anything but he just doesn't really act interested most of the time. I don't know what to do because his friend keeps telling me that he just thinks that I'm too young. (He's 19 and I'm 16). He says that he's waiting until I turn 17. BUT I don't know if that's true or not. We have a lot in common... so much so that it's almost scary but I'm not sure that he sees it. I feel really bad because the whole time that I was with Caleb, I was thinking about Wes. Isn't that bad?! I feel aweful because I don't want to get into a relationship with Caleb if I have a chance with Wes. How do I make myself look like I can get what I want but still look available?! OMG it was almost easier before I met Caleb. No hard decisions like this. I like him but I've liked Wes for so much longer and I really like him more. I just don't want to miss this chance with Caleb.


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Oct. 15th, 2005 | 03:42 pm
mood: anxious anxious
music: Acceptance

I've got a date tonight!!! Lol. I'm soooo nervous. Caleb, this guy I met at work, is taking me to the fair tonight. He's really nice.. Hopefully we have a good time.. Well.. I gotta go get ready.. I don't know what I'm gonna wear!

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Best and Worse Day Ever!!!

Oct. 12th, 2005 | 06:31 pm
mood: Sad? or Happy? Sad? or Happy?
music: Acceptance

Ok.. This is a little wierd but I've had the best and worst day today! It all started this morning. I had to get to school at 7 to take the PSAT which is mandatory for all Juniors. Well, wasted 3 hours of my life! Then, after school, I go home, eat and then go back to get my brother from his football practice. Little did I know that he was going to be a little brat when he got in the car. He rolled down his window when I had the heater on. It was COLD out today and I was already freezing. So, I asked him to roll down his window and he wouldn't. So, I pulled over to the side of the road and shut off my car. I told him we weren't leaving until he could decide to roll up the window. We sat there for about 10 min. and he finally rolled it up. Then, when I get back on the highway, he decides to roll it back down. I got angry then. So, I turned around and went back to the same spot we were in before and shut off my car again. He finally rolled up the window and by this time, I was crying. NOT because of him, but because of a lot of other crap going on in my life right now. Anyways, I turned the key and all that happened was "CCCCCLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK" It just started clicking. So, I did it over and over.. it still wouldn't start. I was so pissed at this point that I jumped out of my car and screamed while kicking the tire. We popped the hood and he couldn't figure out what was wrong (no big surprise there). So, I called my friend Wes. He was busy so I called my best friend Rick. Rick is my friend I met at the barn I used to keep Stormy at. He's like my dad. I call him "daddy rick". Anyways, Rick owns a towing company so i called him. He didn't answer so I left him a message and started to call my friend Elizabeth. Well, she was too busy to come get me but it didn't matter because by the time I hung up, Rick called me and he was already on his way to get me. I haven't talked to him in a long time because he was at farrier school in Alabama for a while. Anyways, Rick comes out and by the time he got there, I was so happy to see him, that I about passed out. I gave him a big hug and he hooked my car up and then started looking under the hood. Well, he couldn't see anything obvious that was wrong so he took me and my car to my house. We talked about our horses on the way there. I was just so happy to see him that I didn't really care what was happening to my car. k... when we got to my house, he wanted to see if it was the battery.. he didn't think it was, but he just wanted to see if jump starting it would help. Nope. It still wouldn't crank. So, it turned out to be my starter. It was broken. He told us how to put a new one in (we have to go buy one now) and said if we need help, to call him cause he's not doing anything Friday. He didn't even charge me for anything. He drove about 45 min. to come and get me and then drove 45 min. back. He's the best friend anyone could ever ask for! I love him!

Anyways, that was by Best/Worst day ever!

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(no subject)

Oct. 11th, 2005 | 09:45 pm
mood: touched touched
music: The Offspring

Ok.. I just have to say how much I love my horse Stormy. He is the absolute best horse anyone could ask for! I went out to ride him Sunday night and it was raining pretty hard. However, I went and got him out of the pasture, tacked him up, and we rode together in the rain and the dark. He was PERFECT. I mean PERFECT! We have been working on collection lately with our trainer and he has been doing OK with it but he never does it perfectly.. But, that night, he had the perfect headset, collected up nicely when I asked, and listened to every word I said! We cantered and galloped for a long time.. Just enjoying the rain. I felt so free.. In the middle of his gallop, I threw my arms out and felt like I was flying. It made me cry! I felt so free of everything that I have been going through lately in life. Free of the world. No one mattered at that very moment but me and Stormy. No one could have ruined that moment. After we were done riding, we walked out into the pasture, and with him following right beside me, we went and found the herd. He kissed me goodbye and as I walked away, I turned to look at him and he was watching after me, as if to say "Nothings gonna get my momma!" I love him, and will always love him, till death do us part! My baby, my gaurdian angel, Stormy.

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Sep. 20th, 2005 | 09:02 pm
mood: indescribable
music: Faith Hill

I'm still feeling alone. I hung out with my best friends and her boyfriend the other day but it wasn't the same as it used to be. I was still alone. They were together.. I was alone. I almost resorted to calling this guy who wants to be "friends with benefits" with me but I didn't. I don't wanna call him.. but, who else is there? No one that I can see. OH well... I'm not going to put on a show anymore to try and impress people. Im sick of doing it. It's exhausting. The right person will come along for me.. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

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Bring On The Rain

Sep. 17th, 2005 | 12:39 am
mood: hopeful hopeful
music: Jo Dee Mesina

I'm feeling a little better now. Why should I care anymore what people think of me? I don't really. My song is playing:

"Another day has almost come and gone.
Can't imagine what else could go wrong.
Sometimes I wanna hide away
Somewhere and lock the door.
A single battle lost but not the war.
Cause tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain."

I'm going to start focusing all my attention on my horse from here on out. Mark my words. I'm going back to my old ways of not caring what other people think of me. It's too hard and stressful to think about. Stormy is my one and only. He never, ever does anything to ridicule me or hurt me in any way. He's my baby! I wish he could go everywhere with me. We're gonna be Reining champions one day! My boy can do anything! I know it. I'm gonna start riding everyday and going to the barn more. I feel bad for not seeing Stormy as much as I used to. I work and go to school all the time and now, I've been hanging out with people more than I have with him.

So.. This is the new (well, old) me. I'm back.

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